Oh there I am

Two years is a long time to be considering what you have done but that is the time it has taken me to return to my writings, partly because I put them down and forget where I had left them.  Life is far too busy and there is too much fun to be had without worrying about details.

I have always been an odd mix of characters, well I would be wouldn’t I?  An aesthete, a romantic, a sportsman and a admirer of females who is hell bent on self-destruction without knowing it himself.  Alcohol, women, speed (moving at a fast rate not the other – drugs bore me) and a fairly dismissive attitude to authority where it is clearly shown to be constructed by hypocrites.  If you want to make rules in Edward’s life you had better be pretty clean yourself first!

In my youth I was normal (and tediously boring), an academicly inclined boy without a malevolent bone in his body, unless on the rugby field, who should have grown up to be a good solid citizen in surburbia with a fat wife and two boring children.

The Hydes are not like that though, their gene exists unsuspected in other families for generations and then something happens to trigger the reaction that brings the Hyde out and so Edward was born at the age of 15 after an “accident”.  There have been other Hydes, I suspect that the now notorious General Sir Harry Flashman was a Hyde, but I am not interested in the family history – just me (as always!).

Being born at 15 is not so hard and it happened at an appropriate moment when puberty was in flow, rugby was a passion and I was about to make a complete mess of the exams that everyone told me were my key to the future.  Well, you can’t have that kind of an accident at that age and still expect to be perfect can you?  The creativeness that had taken a back seat started to flow and out came the rebellious and hedonistic Edward, intent on his own personal enjoyment.

It was odd for a while, as Jekyll found all those years ago, to have a split personality where one half did not understand the other (or even possibly like them) but Edward eventually took over.  Edward arrived with his disregard for the consequences of his actions and his detachment from his family, did he love them? Probably not, they were just other humans for whom he had an attachment of sorts but whatever that was it wasn’t love.  By 18 Edward was in and settled, his “Henry” was all but gone and the languid, well dressed, champagne loving Edward was looking at life for the next source of fun or excitement…..

 

 

Standard

It’s A Sin

When I look back upon my life
It’s always with a sense of shame
I’ve always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too

It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a sin
It’s a sin
Everything I’ve ever done
Everything I ever do
Every place I’ve ever been
Everywhere I’m going to
It’s a sin!

 

And thank you Pet Shop Boys for providing what would be the theme song to my life, there are other contenders of course – Jace Everrett’s “Bad Things” or Nina Simone’s version of “Feelin’ Good”

(MIchael Bubbly eat your heart out, you couldn’t begin to cover that song after her version)

Those might have got close but there is no question that the PSBs got closest and whilst it has not ALL been a sin, certainly a lot of it has had that black thread running through it.

Hogarth’s Rake, I wonder how he would have been in the modern age or eve what he would have made of it. If he came to us now what would be his reaction? Naked women readily and openly available in the Pole bars of the City (more later), with alcohol by the bucket and of so many different varieties that it makes the pictures of Gin Lane into a contemporary summary, tobacco as the poison of choice for so many, drugs – what would he have made of hallucinogenics? Would he have died earlier or just raised his hands and given up for the lack of immoral challenge?

Let’s leave The Rake and his friends of gin lane for a while because Hogarth leads us to Gillray and into a bar in the West End of London, Gillrays strangely enough where a young man sits ruminating with his oldest friend on his day……

Standard

From Inside Henry J

What a life, if this is life at all – to be honest I’d rather not be bothered with it as I can see there is nothing after and the sooner I can reach that nothing the better.

I am Edward, a steam punk – a child of the Victorians and early Edwardians who is really out of place in the 21st century. My language is too English and too well educated, my adoration of women is unappreciated and I have far too well refined a sense of right, wrong and personal responsibility so if you believe that the State owes you a life then I suggest you leave now.

Who is Edward? A lunatic – I know this because my doctors tell me I am but to be honest that is only their opinion and the general opinion of society, other people say that wishing for death isn’t normal but it’s perfectly normal to me.

I have no value either to myself or any around me (as I see it) and I have done so many things in my life already that there isn’t much left that I would like to do and repeating things just gets boring so one day I will just load up my dueller and end my pain the way a gentleman should.

Who is Henry J? If you are asking that then your education is sadly lacking, he is the outer shell of decency that is seen by his friends and family that conceals me – his real self – the duelling, sword wielding, flower buying, woman loving creature inside.

Where is this blog going? Back into the past to tell the story of a modern rake, Hogarth revisited for the 21st century with all the cautionary tales in place………

 

Standard